Living in a dream is easy, reality requires more effort. I’m delusional because most of the time I actually think that this will work. I have to remind my self from time to time that I can’t stay in a dream for too long. Let’s not forget the fact that you are not here. You are a metaphor, a what-would- have-been, the one who slipped away, the one that I haven’t met just yet. Let’s not forget the fact that you’re unreachable. You are what I wish to see falling from the sky in the middle of the night, so that my sitting on a roof and killing mosquitoes will not go to waste. You are what I see and talk to every night through my laptop screen while I secretly wondering when will I be able to see you in flesh instead of moving pixels. You are an imagination, the voice I thought I heard calling my name, and what I desperately wish to see every time I turn my head. Why don’t dreams come true any more? You are the deepest desire my heart possesses, what my fingers draw on the pillow when I’m alone at night, hoping that somehow your fingers would exist and draw love on it together with me.
Someday, maybe?
But let’s not forget that the future is not too far away from us right now. The future is coming closer, fast. So fast that we don’t have much time left to find each other, to find a path that crosses our destiny. And let’s not forget the fact that I’m actually still playing a hide-and-seek game with the ultimate master of hiding and running away, myself. Sometimes I feel so blissfully miserable, I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I want to peel my skin off and see what’s underneath, just to check whether it’s true or not that I’m just a normal human being like the others. I want to think that I’m the only one, that I stand out as an individual, different from the rest. But let’s not forget the fact that there are over seven billions people in the world right now. How egoistic would I be if I thought I was the only one, right?
I have a dream. In my dream, I’m only one closed-finger away from having everything in my hands. Only one step away from my dream palace, only one heartbeat away from falling in love. But no matter how good your dream is, at some point, you have to wake up. When the exhausted moans can’t bring you back to sleep and the pumped blood in your veins force you to function, you have no other choice than to open your eyes and face reality.
Let’s not forget that.
2 months ago