January 2012
16 posts
They say that when there’s a will, there will be a way.
So I tried to trace your voice to find out your whereabouts. I tried to find you while you were singing but instead I was lost in a complete chaos, and became deaf from hearing too much noises on my journey. And then I tried to follow your scent. I closed my eyes and tried to bring myself to the most comforting place I know— your...
It’s been really windy lately and I wish I was small and light enough to fly away with the wind.
A classmate: hey have you done our assignment for tomorrow
Me: no, why?
Classmate: when you’re done can you send it to my email I think I’ll just copy yours…lol?
Me: lol
Me: no
And he’s been complaining to me about his horrible grades since last semester. Smh, people these days… How can you expect to achieve something if you’re willing to do nothing.
1 tag
A goodnight call from Death.
an old friend called
asked how I’d been
we used to be so close
bonded by razor and pills
as I grew older
somehow we drifted apart
but I still remember
he tasted like blood
felt like freezing water
and cold floor
smelt like hopelessness
it’s been a long time
what do you want
I said
he chuckled
and said
sleep well tonight, sweetheart
i’ll see you
tomorrow
If God really does exist and everything actually happens for a reason, I need an explanation why he put me in this kind of family, why he gave me this kind of life. I’m so fucking tired of dealing with shit that I can tell no one.
2 tags
Dear the person who stole my phone,
I hope you’d get hit by a train or a bus or fall into a deep hole somewhere and die.
“Just dress slutty and seduce him.”
— @ivylively’s advice on how to get a guy.
He was born over 9 years ago, 11 years younger than me. I wasn’t too happy about the idea of having a younger sibling at first. 11 years of having all the attention to myself, I was afraid it’d all go away. What if my mum forget all about me? I didn’t like him when he was a baby. Sure, he was cute. But he was the child of the man who used to hit me all the time. He was the child...
Stop touching me. I feel so violated.
1 tag
Maybe it’s not even you. Maybe it’s more like the idea of you. Or the idea that I wouldn’t be so alone, so empty if you were here. Maybe this isn’t even about love. Maybe this is more like a longing of me to have someone to turn to every time I feel like fading. Maybe this is more like a wish of mine for this loneliness to go away, and you just happen to be there so that I...
4 tags
what’s the use of having family overseas if i don’t get a free stay when i visit the country right
*planning a trip for summer 2012*
1 tag
“I’m adorkable.”
“What?”
“Equally adorable and dorky.”
“…”
2 tags
366 days challenge.
January (Day 1) - Personal Posts.
A recent picture of you with ten interesting facts. Your hopes, dreams and plans for the upcoming year.
The meaning behind your Tumblr name. Something that’s illegal but you think should be legal.
A picture of you with your friends. What you think your reason for being here is.
A habit you wish you didn’t have. How your life would change if you achieved...
Fly, fly away, little bird. Be as free as you want to be. Go as far as you want to go. Stay out as long as you want to. I won’t mind. You’ll come back to me anyway.
1 tag
moosevox asked: What makes a person strong/weak?
December 2011
15 posts
Dear @belleoftheboulevard
gtless:
You’re so freaking adorable Christine! =3. GOT A BOYFRIEND YET?! ‘Cause if I was straight, I’d totally go for you, but unfortunately, penis is my forte LOL. But seriously, you’re so deep in thought when you write. I want to meet you one day, or at least cam again with you one of these days. I’m really glad that we followed each other, otherwise, I wouldn’t take the time to make fun of...
1 tag
Do you ever feel so pressured when it comes to facing new years? Do you also feel, like I do, so depressingly jealous of other people who are able to vomit brilliant words and repaint good memories of what they went through the whole year? And then you watch them standing there, telling every other people of their dreams, of what they wish to achieve in next year, with this positive shining...
nydiot:
Every so often, you will stumble across a beautiful blog that immediately brightens up your face in admiration and unknowingly, your bottom lip is inches away from your upper lip.
@belleoftheboulevard & @lostcrow
Omg.
;~;
;~;
1 tag
owlsyndrome:
Clash of fire and brimstone, fury beneath the hammer’s clamor
It was the sound of lost dreams as he witnessed hope’s betrayal earlier.
breaths bloom above the broken glass, skinned and strung- dry blood swam the river of corpses
mists start to fade away and let go of twilight, yet the light is still missing. the moment in between; to test if the soul would be quick enough to find...
They’ve been fighting non-stop since 4am yesterday until now. I don’t know what’s even sadder— that they’ve been fighting for almost 24 hours on Christmas day or the fact that I’m actually used to it. The noise, the yelling, the ruined atmosphere, the uncomfortable silence in between. Everything. This isn’t an unusual thing to witness and experience. This...
메리 크리스마스.
What is God to you, they asked.
Like a long lost love that I’m still struggling to find again, I said.
It’s really funny to think that I used to write so many words back then, and how I don’t do it as much lately even though I still have just as many things to say. It’s really funny how I was able to tell my secrets and stories to strangers all over the world, and how I don’t even have the slightest courage to open up to the people I actually know in real life. I don’t...
1 tag
Like a fire, everyone is attracted to you. We can not take our eyes off of you. We all love you because if we keep you around for the right amount and within the right distance, you give us warmth. But that’s it. We don’t dare to come any closer, because your presence is too strong. We’re all afraid we’d get burned down to ashes. That’s why you’re alone....
Every time I see any of my colleagues tweet something against capitalism while using their smartphones or iPods, I feel the urge to take those things away from them and throw it at their face. Seriously.
1 tag
The clock is ticking so fast. I felt like I just woke up a few minutes ago, but here I am looking at the sky as the sun sets. Soon, it will be dark. And then the sun will come out again, and it will be another day. But it’s the same cycle each and every day; the same old routine, the same bittersweet feelings, the same boring distractions, and I feel like I’m merely a breathing robot...
1 tag
Living in a dream is easy, reality requires more effort. I’m delusional because most of the time I actually think that this will work. I have to remind my self from time to time that I can’t stay in a dream for too long. Let’s not forget the fact that you are not here. You are a metaphor, a what-would- have-been, the one who slipped away, the one that I haven’t met just yet. Let’s not forget the...
I want love but I don’t want a relationship
So a couple weeks ago when I was out of town to attend a funeral, I met someone who used to help my mum taking care of me. She’s a family as well, and she was the one who gave me my first two names. I did ask her about the meaning behind my name once, but she said she had to find the notes of it first and we were all kind of busy with the funeral, so I didn’t ask her about it again. I...
They keep telling me to get over it, as if this is something I voluntarily want to feel. They don’t understand. They don’t understand how it feels like when your chest is about to explode and you are just one crack away from breaking into a million pieces. They are happy—to say the least. They keep telling me to stop posting ‘sad posts’ on here, on my own blog,...
November 2011
8 posts
Sometimes I wonder how far people would go just to be with me.
1 tag
When someone you love dies, it takes so much more time than a few days to accept the truth. And even when you’ve stopped crying, there’s still something that lingers around you. It’s when the funeral ends and all the other relatives are finally going back to where they belong, and you’re left alone in the house. The first night you wake up and realise that they don’t...
A few days ago, when I was at my home back in Jakarta. Me and my whole family was going to the district to proceed our new e-ktp (ID card). That means me, my mum, and my step dad. My mum was driving. My step father has been sick for years because of who-knows-what, and the sickness has made him function less and less as the day goes by. When we arrived, I had to help him to get off of the car and...
I don’t want to talk you. Because I can’t talk to you without throwing all the inside jokes we used to share, I can’t talk to you without using the ‘remember whens’ and ‘what would have beens’ and it’s just too much pain. It’s really too much. I can’t, sorry.
We are all lost. Most people are just in denial, that’s why they make fun of the few people who are brave enough to admit it.
2 tags
I walked in the rain today. No umbrella, no jacket. The weather was even colder than the usual, but I didn’t care. I’ve grown numb. I’ve grown too familiar with coldness to even care. I walked all the way back from campus with the priceless sensation. The way the drizzle stabbed my face, my skin. The way the wind held my skin and kissed my neck gently. There was just something...
2 tags
November 2nd.
It was raining pretty hard. Well, it’s been raining almost all day everyday recently, so there was no surprise there. The clock said that it’s 7:30 pm and I was still at campus, just finished a group assignment. I changed into a thick sweater and took out my umbrella, and walked home because the last mini bus was gone at 6 pm. It was quite a long walk, and I was walking in...
2 tags
“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions...”
– Haruki Murakami.
October 2011
24 posts
Why won’t you talk to me, he said. I don’t know what to talk about. Where should I even start? How do I explain everything? I know what I’m feeling, but I don’t know the right words or how to put them together for you to understand. I’m tired of always opening my mouth for a few seconds, just to close them again because I realise that I have nothing worthy to say to...
Anonymous asked: I really am quite fond of your blog.
I hate sleeping with lights on. It gives me a feeling as if I still have to do something. I’m not comfortable with lights. They hurt my eyes, they give me headache. I’m comfortable with darkness. I’m dead scared of the dark, yes, but it gives me the most comfort as well. Weird, no? But yeah, you know what they say. Sometimes the safest and most peaceful place to stay is right at...
1 tag
I was cleaning my room yesterday, when I found this red box that I haven’t seen in quite a while. Naturally, I opened it. And there it was— a pendant. A sakura pendant.
It was a gift from someone who used to be so precious to me. It was a gift given on our first year anniversary. He said this to me at the time, “Remember, we’ll be together until we’re old and...
I have this one habit to dig my past and stay there, even when I’m supposed to be living in the present. I used to think that I do that purely because it was good times and I miss it. But lately I’ve been thinking that maybe I do it because I just can’t cope with the present, so that I run away and go try to find some kind of comfort zone where nothing can hurt me. My goodness...
I loved you once, I love you still.
I always have, I always will.
1 tag
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This one day me and my mum got into a huge fight. It was the biggest fight I’ve ever let myself into. I didn’t remember exactly how or why it started, but it lasted for half a day. We were yelling, screaming, and into each other’s throat for hours. So many hurtful words were being said. So many hidden thoughts and locked emotions finally came out. Smashed mirrors and bruised...
“When I fall in love, it’s not butterflies in my stomach. It’s...”
– J.A.
1 tag
This morning after the first class, me and some of my colleagues were having breakfast together in the canteen. We were talking about the event yesterday, and I was telling them how extraordinary it was. A particular name was mentioned, and all of a sudden I said, “I miss ____.” She was a friend of us, but she quit university a few months ago, and she’s in Australia right now....